About Feel Worthless

Sweet friend do me a favor please. Go to your doctor and get and anti depressent. I have to take them also and there is no shame in it. Stress can cause strokes and give you the thoughts you are having. Pray my friend and give your problems to God above. Tell him exactly what you need. Children are never better off without their parents. I have seen the damage to children when a parent leaves them. God in his wisdom and grace will provide in his timing. There are always lessons to be learned when we suffer from problems. Don't ever give up, I am here for you my friend. I will always be here for you. I will pray for you and your family. You pray also, he hears and answers. In Gods love, Donna

Hi Cindy Jo,   I'm so glad what I said was something you needed to hear, this is a place where people for various reasons come for help of all kinds, I came initially for one reason, a huge need. But I found once I got here there were so many hurting people, and when I started reading the stories, I knew the reason I found this site, it wasn't so much for what I really , because I do, but it was also to help people, Its to share what I've gone thru, when I read your response a few minutes ago I wanted cry, tears of, I don't think I can explain my emotion, and I'm a talker lol.    I am so taken back, at the things people go thru, and so many still feel they are alone going thru their stuff, as I once did, and  I occasionally still fight that aloneness, What people don't get is,  that I think you really touched on is, we are emotioal  creatures/humans, and sadness,  no matter who has it or feels it, is real and hurts.. My girls are grown now I still deal with the guilt,  that I wasn't  able to handle raising them,  its taken me many many and painful years, to realize, everything I did or didn't do, during that period was because I loved them, I was afraid, sounds crazy but I was afraid, that as a mom, that had  ended up with trying to raise a 21/2 and 1 year old girls, and it was so hard, they were, I really thought they were trying to put me over the edge, I know how crazy that sounds, but that was what I believed,  that is why they,  my grandma and mom decided to take care of them.   but u touched on the things I needed to hear too tonite, and I want to say thank you for taking the time to write back, anyway,  pain runs deep and I  have had to battle,  to keep not to beat my self up, for not being their full time mama.  and I do know deep down I did my very best, and tht is all any of us  can do. I say that because I am now 57, and little girls, who in my heart still feel like they are those little girls, that I couldn't more for. not having raised them, they're ages now are,   the youngest turned 33 today, and the oldest will be 35 in Dec..  and  when I read things like what you wrote me back,  and the things like the girl I had responded to that called herself,  "worthless",  it was like yesterday,  all of this happened, I truly believe you have had those feelings that  you said were triggered when you read what I wrote to the other girl, were mama's, and I believe that the woman that wrote in, was really feeling worthless, and I felt that a good part of my life, and  its horrible, when you believe that about your away about yourself, and it sounds like you have  felt that too by what you wrote.    I'AM SO GLAD I DID NOT ACT OUT ON THE FEELINGS i HAD BACK THEN,  otherwise for just one of the many reasons, i have 6 beautiful grandchildren, that I would not to have gotten to love and know.  FOR ME, I BELIEVE IM ONLY HERE TODAY, BECAUSE OF A PRAYING GRANDMA, AND THAT Is  FOR ME, NOT ANY ONE ELSE, people can get touchy if you think you are preaching to them, THAT IS NOT WHAT IM DOING, NOR WOULD I, ITS JUST THAT I DONT THINK I WOULD HAVE LIVED BECAUSE MY FEELINGS, like what the woman was expressing yesterday or day before, havent enough lately,  THE FEELING LIKE THAT WOMAN  HAD OF WORTHLESS,  WAS SO INTENSE.     IM HERE AND GLAD AND THANKFUL.

WHEN I READ YOUR  REPONSE, AND BY THE WAY WORTHLESS RESPONDED IN PRIVATE, BUT THE SHE WAS SOME BETTER, AND THAT IT HELPED HEARING ALSO.  T SHE WAS TOUCHED TO, AND SHE SAID SHE HAD GOTTEN A SMILE ON HER FACE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME.

MY  KIDS HAVEN'T SEEN  THERE DAD SINCE THEY WERE 21/2 AND 1, IT WAS JUST LIKE WE BECAME NON EXISTANT AS SOON AS I LEFT FOR THE LAST TIME,  WHEN WE SPLIT UP HE WAS DEEPLY HURT, AND THE WAY HE DEALT WAS TO PRETTY MUCHFORGET WE EVER EXISTED.  SO I TOOK THE GUILT THERE ALSO, BECAUSE I WAS SO STRESSED, BACK THEN,  THIS IS WHY I ENDED UP WITHOUT HIM,  AND HE KEPT SAYING COME BACK, HE REALLY DIDNT WANT ME TO GO,  AND I DIDNT LISTEN,  AND WHEN  I FINALLY REALIZED WHAT I WAS DOING WAS NOT RIGHT IT WAS TOO LATE,   AND THE LAST TIME I TRIED TO GO BACK, IT WAS TOO LATE,  I HAD CALLED WOLF TOO MANY TIMES,, SO THAT WAS THAT, AND HE DROVE ME TO THE AIRPORT, BECAUSE i HAD FLEW FROM CA TO AR.   AND i CRIED LIKE A BABY ALL THE WAY THERE, AND SO WHEN I GOT BACK,  WELL YOU  KNOW WHAT HAPPENED  I ALREADY SHARED  A LITTLE OF IT, IT WAS THE VERY HARDEST THING I'VE EVER DONE MAKEING THE CHOICE THAT I DID.   WHEN  THEY WERE UP AT MY MOMS AND GRANDMAS, AND I WOULD GO SEE THEM ON WEEKENDS, EVERY WEEKEND, AND WHEN IT WAS TIME TO HEAD BACK HOME, BECAUSE WHERE I LIVED WAS ABOUT A HOUR FROM THEM,  I CAN STILL HEAR MY OLDEST WHO NOW IS ALMOST 35, SCREAMING  MAMA, MAMA, AND CRYING AT THE TOP OF HER LITTLE LUNGS. IT STILL PIERCES MY SOUL AND ECHOS IN MIND TODAY. I THINK THAT WHY WHEN I HEAR KIDS SCREAMING, I HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE, IT STILL GETS TO ME..  

MY POINT,   YOUR PROBABLY WONDERING WAS I EVER GOING TO GET TO IT..  SORRY  TO THOSE WHO HAVE NOT GOT MONIES,  TO GIVE YOUR KIDS, OR THINGS,  BABIES AND SMALL CHILDREN  COULD CARE LESS, LOVE GOES DEEP, ESPIALLY WHEN THEY ARE YOUNG, THEY WANT TO BE HELD, AND LOVED ON, AND KNOW THAT WHEN THEY WAKE UP CRYING, YOU ARE GOING TO KISS THERE TEARS AWAY!    NOT GIVEN A BIG NEW TOY, OH YEAH THEY GET EXCITED,  WHEN THEY SEE MATERIAL THINGS THERE  KIDS,   BUT I GURANATEE U,  ALL OF THE BIG TOYS,   OR THE BIG HOUSES,  OR LITTLE ONE ROOM ROOFS , OVER THERE HEADS,  OR EVEN FOOD  THEY NEED, THEY  WILL CHOSE THE THAT MAMA OR DADDY THAT IS OFFERING THE MUCH NEED TANGIBLE LOVE, THERE ARE GOOD DADDYS OUT THERE TOO,  THAT R TRYING TO RAISE KIDS, BECAUSE MAYBE THERE WIFES OR  BABYS MAMAS, COULDN'T FOR WHAT EVER REASON. JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I INCLUDED THEM, I SURELY RESPECT THEM ITS NOT EASY IN THESE TIMES, OR THE TIMES WHEN MY KIDS WERE LITTLE TO DO THAT!

I HOPE I'M MAKING SENSE,  I JUST KNOW BACK THEN, MY KIDS WOULD HAVE CHOSEN TO HAVE THEIR MAMA THERE EVEN MORE THE I WAS JUST TO HUG  AND LOVE ON THEM MORE THAN ANYTHING,  BUT THE HUGS I DID GIVE THEM, WAS WHAT MADE THERE EYES SPARKLE,  AND PUT SMILES ON THERE TEAR STAINED FACES, WAS WHEN THEY SAW ME SHOW UP,  AND LOVE ON THEM.

I AM GOING ON PROBABLY WAY TO LONG, I WILL BLOG SOME MORE ANOTHER DAY ON SOME OF THIS STUFF, BECAUSE, THERE ARE THOSE OUT THERE LIKE YOU, AND THE GIRL THAT CALLED HERSELF WORTHLESS,OUT THERE, I WOULD DARE TO SAY LOTS MORE THAN PEOPLE THINK, THAT ARE FEELING WELL WORTHLESS, AND LIKE YOU WHO STRUGGLED, WITH WONDERING IF WHAT YOU GAVE,  WAS AS  GOOD AS  A BIG PRESENT NOW AND THEN.   ALL THE MATERIAL THINGS IN THE WORLD, WILL  NEVER TAKE THE PLACE OF HUGS AND KISSES FROM THE ONE WHO IS THERE ALL THE TIME GIVING, AT TIMES JUST HUGS AND KISSES, THAT ARE  WORTH MORE THAN ANYTHING THAT CAN BE BOUGHT, WORTH MORE THAN, THAT PGE BILL THAT SOME CANT PAY,  THOSE KISES AND HUGS AND TUCKING BEING ABLE TO TUCK THEM IN AT NITE,  EVEN IF ITS A SLEEPING BAG ON THE STREET,  AT LEAST YOU ARE  THERE,  THEY HAVEN' T SAID ITS TOO MUCH, SOMEBODY ELSE NEEDS TO TAKE CARE OF THEM, I CANT DO ENOUGH  FOR THEM,  AND IF YOU DID MAKE THAT CHOICE ALREADY TO HAVE SOMEONE ELSE TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN,  YOU LOVE YOUR SELF TOO, YOU DID THE HARDEST THING A PARENT CAN DO, AND YOU DID IT BECAUSE YOU LOVED THEM, AND IT WAS WHAT YOU BELIEVED TO BE THE BEST THING YOU COULD DO FOR YOUR CHILD.. SO DON'T BEAT YOUR SELF UP, LIKE I DID FOR DID FOR MOST OF MY LIFE, TILL I FIANALLY, DID UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT THAT,    THAT I WAS ALWAYS TRYING TO WHAT WAS GOING TO BE BEST FOR MY KIDS AND IM SURE ALL OF YOU WHO READ THIS, MYRESPONSE TO THIS SWEET GIRL THAT TOO THE TIME TO RESPOND, TO SOMEHING I HAD WROTE TO SOMEONE ELSE, THAT IS WHAT THIS SITE IS ALL ABOUT PEOPLE HELPING PEOPLE,   CMON  NOW TRY AND GIVE YOUR SELF JUST A LITTLE :) SMILE.  YOU DO DESERVE IT.    

JUST LOVE  THE YOUR KIDS  FROM YOUR HEART, THEY KNOW,  NO ONE,  CAN OUT GIVE THE LOVE WE HAVE IN OUR HEARTS,  FOR OUR BABYS,  AND THEY REMAIN BABYS IN OUR HEARTS FOR A VERY LONG TIME.  SORRY I WENT ON FOR  LONG, THIS IS EMOTIONAL TOPIC, BUT IF I AM ABLE TO HELP,  ANYONE,  THAT HAS OR IS GOING THRU SOMETHING LIKE THIS, YOU HAVE NO IDEA, HOW THAT HELPS ME WITH, SOME OF THE GUILT I  STILL FIGHT, BECAUSE OF NOT BEING ABLE TO BE THERE,  FOR THEM 24/7 WHEN THEY WERE GROWING UP.    THANKS SO MUCH FOR RESPONDING, OTHER WISE I WOULDNT HAVE ANY IDEA  THAT ANY OF MY,  FOREVER WRITING,  OF WHAT IS ON MY HEART,  IS REACHING YOU OR ANYONE ELSE. 

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN IN ABUANCE,  AND GREAT LOVE FOR EACH OTHER. 

KAT 

i just wanted to say ty kat. u have no idea how much i needed to hear that. u have me in tears. i know it wasnt directed at me but i found it and am really greatful i did because i have had those feelings before. its really hard when u can only afford so much and then the other parent who is not taking any responsibility shows up maybe once a year if they r lucky but buys them outrageous gifts. and the kids r so happy because they dont normally get those things. it hurts. im the one who is here and loves them and is taking care of them when they r sick. i feed them when they r hungry. he doesnt even care enought to remember their birthdays. he only comes to visit them when his father gets mad and threatens to cut him out of the will whenever he wants him to see them. but anyways sorry about ranting lol. i just wanted to say thanks your post helped me alot

what u say is so true.  i grew up with a mother who (although she thought it was protecting us) she would just hide in her room when she was upset. and i know how much we were not fooled and how much it worried and hurt us to know that she was upset. it made me feel terrible. i on the other hand do ask my children for a hug and i have a so much better relationship with my children than i did with my mom. u dont have to go into detail there r some things kids dont need to know the details about. but they know how to give u a hug. and there r times i dont know if i would have made it through with out my kids. so people do not underestemate how much a simple hug or the words i love u from and too your children can make things better and put the things that are really truely important back into perspective.

You know I'm sitting here reading this post and all I could do was cry. How many times have I been where you are now? too many to count. MY kids are older now and I work full time so it is easier, but I know, I KNOW how you feel. Every night I come home from the same job, to the same apartment, to the same 2 kids and 2 cats. Every weekend I spend cleaning and getting ready for the upcoming week. This past week has been particularly stressful because for the past 3 months I have been trying to buy a house for my family. IF you ever want to meet a bunch of the most incompetent morons in your life, try buying a house! They have "lost" my paperwork for the 4th ( yes, I said 4th) time and then I see the news about Freddie MAC programs may need the government to bail them out. SO what does that mean for us? higher taxes and mortgage payments. That is IF I ever get to closing, which has been put off twice already.

MY point is this: I don;t think there is a parent out there who doesn't feel like a failure at some point in their lives. IF we didn't we wouldn't be human. Much of what goes on is beyond our control. Nothing hurts worse than feeling like we failed our children. But it is part of being a parent. When our children get hurt we comfort them - who comforts us when we hurt? Our usual response when our kids ask us if everything is ok is: "I'm fine or I'm just having a bad day, or I just don't feel good" What is so wrong with "I really need a hug right now" ? Kids need to knwo that they are needed to. They need you to know that they love you and they need to be able to show that side to you. Pushing them away when you are hurting only shows them that they are not needed. Hiding from them makes them worry. IT is ok  to let kids see you cry. It shows them that you are human too. Reach out to your family, let them know what you are feeling. Their reaction may surprise you. 

My kids know how much having a home of our own means to me and they know what I am going through - there is very little I keep from them. No, they cannot help, but they can listen and empathize. I think that makes them the coolest kids I know.  

to feel worthless, my last post I sent u went to how are you today group, I added u, I really hope you will read it I have been there, really been there.. You are of value even if you have nothing monetary to offer your kids right now, you are of value to them you are their mama all the houses and clothes in the world would not take your place.. ok.

OK, IM BACK,  I HAD TWO LITTLE GIRLS, WHOM ARE GROW NOW, BUT I THOUGHT THEY WOULD BE BETTER I WOULD BE DOING THEM A FAVOR,  I REALLY SAW IT THAT WAY WHEN I WAS SUCIDIAL.   I WAS WRONG,  I HAD LOVE TO GIVE THEM, NO ONE ELSE CAN GIVE A MOTHERS LOVE,  ITS NOT ABOUT THE CLOTHES U BUY THEM OR EVEN FOOD, THAT SUSTAINS THEM AND  U CAN ALWAYS GET FOOD,  BUT THEY WILL ONLY GET THEIR MOTHERS LOVE FROM U, THAT IS WORTH MORE, A ROOF OVER THEIR HEAD, CLOTHES ON THERE BACK, YOUR HUGS, AND KISSES, THIS IS WHAT THEY NEED.  A HOME DOES NOT ARMS AND DOESNT SNUGGLE UP BY THEM WHEN THEY ARE SCARED,  EVEN U HAVE A HUSBAND THAT LOVES LOVES THEM DEARLY,  THAT ISN'T THEIR MAMA. IM SENDING THIS , CONTINUEING i HOPE U ARE STILL ON HERE

ALL children would prefer having their mother rather than having ANY material things on earth!  Nothing can ever replace YOU.  Hard times shall pass.  Death is permanent!  At least on this side of earth anyway. 

I know you are very stressed out right now.  When we are stressed out our thoughts become clouded.  You are a success for you have the most important thing on earth & that is the love of a family.  All other things will work it self out. 

If you feel you cannot hang on another minute for yourself, do you think you can do so for your children?  For they need YOU, not what you can provide.

God bless you,

ekikaseven

Please don't be so hard on yourself.  The economy is ridiculous these days and you are certainly not the only family trapped in debt.  This summer I am exploring all the free things to do with my kids in my area.  It doesn't take much to make them happy, and your time and love are the most important things you can give them.  See if a local church or hospital has a support group, or find one online.  You are not alone in your thoughts, but your children would not be better off without you!!  Mayeb you can help them learn a few lessons while they help you - a lemonade stand, newspaper route or dog-walking service are great ways kids can earn a little money while learning about math and many other life lessons.  If you pull together as a family you will overcome this struggle.  Have you contacted locak agencies to see if you are eligible for any aid or services?  Best wishes, Rosie